Jokes/Riddles

I said to my wife the other day "Honey, I just looked in the mirror and what I saw looking back at me was a worn out, unattractive old man. I'm feeling kind of down really need you to give me a compliment." She said then, "All right then, your eyesight is nearly perfect".

Norm McDonald

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Me and John were like this (showing fingers crossed). I mean, that's me (pointing to thumb).

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What do you call a factory that makes okay products? A satisfactory.

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Why didn't the skeleton go skydiving? He didn't have the guts.

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How do you make a skeleton laugh? Tickle his funny bone.

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I saw something strange the other day. A father was washing his car with his son. And the son says to him, why don't you just use a sponge?

I got hit in the head with a soda the other day. Good thing it was a soft drink.

When you die, what part of the body dies last? The pupils…they dilate.

Dog Jaw Joke/Prank

-Mac King 

-Will Smith

Riddles

A little girl kicks a soccer ball. It goes 10 feet and comes back to her. How is this possible? 

She kicks it straight up. 

Mary’s mom has four children. Their names are north, south, east. What’s the fourth child’s name?

Mary. or their names are April, May and June. What's the fourth child's name?

How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator

Question 1: How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

Answer 1: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door.

This question tests whether you overcomplicate simple tasks. Most people assume the giraffe is larger than the fridge and use elaborate descriptions to solve that problem.

Question 2: How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

If you’re like most people, you probably said “Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the door.” That’s the wrong answer.

Answer 2: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant, and close the door.

Question 2 is designed to test your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions. Each decision cannot be made in isolation.

Question 3: The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All of the animals attend, except for one. Which animal does not attend?

Answer 3: The elephant, of course. You just put the elephant in the refrigerator.

Question 3 is designed to test your memory and to associate events which don’t seem related.

Question 4: You need to cross a river but it is inhabited by crocodiles. You don’t have a boat but you do have a refrigerator. What should you do?

Answer 4: Jump into the river and swim across. All of the crocodiles are attending the animal conference.

Question 4 is designed to see whether you can ignore extraneous information (the refrigerator) and whether you learn from your mistakes in the previous questions.